oh, and...

...I should add that she left, along with me, both my kids, Emily (who will be 20 next month) and Jonathan (who she did this to three days before his fifteenth birthday). I don't know why I'm not just emailing you. Maybe because on this page I can't be sure if you're really reading this or not...and I don't want to disturb your life. I'm just terribly hurt and you are someone I share a past with, no matter how convoluted we were or how many mistakes we made. I guess all I'm saying is that, should you read this and feel okay with it, it would be nice to hear from you at some point. Peace.

the becoming

So, now I am apparently a single man. Tracy left me last Friday to go live with a male-to-female transsexual. No, this isn't a sick joke, unless it's one being played on me by the universe. This song is just about how I feel right now.



the becoming



i beat my machine it's a part of me it's inside of me
i'm stuck in this dream it's changing me i am becoming
the me that you know he had some second thoughts
he's covered with scabs and he is broken and sore
the me that you know doesn't come around much
that part of me isn't here anymore
all pain disappears it's the nature of my circuitry
drowns out all i hear there's no escape from this my new consciousness
that me that you know used to have feelings
but the blood has stopped pumping and he is left to decay
the me that you know is now made up of wires
and even when i'm right with you i'm so far away
i can try to get away but i've strapped myself in
i can try to scratch away the sound in my ears
i can see it killing away all of my bad parts
i don't want to listen but it's all too clear
hiding backwards inside of me i feel so unafraid
annie, hold a little tighter i might just slip away

it won't give up it wants me dead
goddamn this noise inside my head


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCxz-d7jQwU