Sunday, November 22, 2015
oh, and...
...I should add that she left, along with me, both my kids, Emily (who will be 20 next month) and Jonathan (who she did this to three days before his fifteenth birthday). I don't know why I'm not just emailing you. Maybe because on this page I can't be sure if you're really reading this or not...and I don't want to disturb your life. I'm just terribly hurt and you are someone I share a past with, no matter how convoluted we were or how many mistakes we made. I guess all I'm saying is that, should you read this and feel okay with it, it would be nice to hear from you at some point. Peace.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm not sure where to start with all of this.
ReplyDeleteI've been asking myself why I come back to this blog from time to time. Or why I look at your profile on Facebook. I could have left you blocked but I didn't. Even though after our last communication, it was crystal clear that there was absolutely nothing left between us or anything left to say, I still found myself checking from time to time. Sending this message is incredibly difficult because I don't want this to be an indication that it's ok to start talking again. That ship has sailed a long time ago. But as much as I could just ignore you, I find myself reading this blog post and I can't ignore it.
It's none of my business. We don't owe each other anything. There's nothing I can do or say that any of your other friends can't, and they are much closer to you right now. But I'm also not heartless.
I am sorry this is happening to you and your children. I hope that you remain strong for your kids, as I'm sure you have always been. Hurt like this will not go away overnight but think about all that you have been through and you've managed to fight through the pain. I wish there was something more I can say but I fear that I don't except that you are not alone in this world. Not only do you have to take care of your kids and yourself, but there is a community that will care for you as well. You will get through this just like everything else you've been through.
Sorry, I didn't even see your reply until just now. Yeah, been that distracted.
DeleteI'm a mess. Yes, I know that I have support, but sometimes it just doesn't mean anything...or very much. Like you said, there's no one who can actually do anything about this, except the one who left...and I'm not looking for anything to change anytime soon.
I just wish there had been more warning...when I finally called her out, I got a laundry list of things I'd done in the past (kind of a confused, jumbled one, actually) and why she was so unhappy in our marriage. I just kind of weathered all five minutes or so of it and that was it. She left us 3 days before Jon's birthday. I suppose I have some degree of anger...maybe a lot of it. It's hard to tell. Mostly just confusion and the worst sorrow I have ever felt in my life...even worse than when my father died.
I look at your facebook too. Like you, I don't know why. I'm glad that you are (apparently) doing well. I guess that's mostly why...just to know that you're okay. I will always have love for you. There's no way I could not after the things we've been through together. We certainly did not have a conventional romance, but I will always hold you dear and hope for your best in life.
I guess that's all I have for right now...like I said, I just now noticed your comment, so I'm sorry it took five days to respond. Don't feel the need to write back out of any sort of obligation, but it is now and would be nice to hear from you in the future. It's good to get some of this out in the open...but I think it's going to have to be in small doses. I haven't even cried yet, except for once that felt forced and was vaguely unsatisfying.
Oh, and my email is still walrus032285@gmail.com and my phone is still 724-205-9253.
Delete